The Unwritten Rules

A Michelin-starred private chef once lost their position—not for their cooking, but for posting a behind-the-scenes kitchen photo on Instagram. In the world of ultra-wealthy households, discretion isn’t a suggestion — it’s a rule.

Unlike corporate jobs, private service roles operate on invisible codes. The most damaging mistakes aren’t technical—they’re social, subtle, and unspoken. This guide reveals the taboos, triumphs, and tips every private staff member needs to know to succeed (and survive) in ultra-high-net-worth (UHNW) households.

Taboos & Triumphs: What No One Tells You

1. Never Acknowledge Employers in Public (Even If They Greet You)

It may feel rude to ignore your employer in a public setting—especially if they say hello first. But in many UHNW environments, ignoring them is actually the correct behavior.

Why?

• They may be with someone who doesn’t know who you are.
• Your presence may expose their location or identity.
• Public acknowledgment can blur professional boundaries.

2. The ‘No-Paper’ Rule: Why Some Estates Ban Notes

In estates with multiple staff, it’s common to leave reminders or instructions—except in ultra-private homes where written notes are forbidden.

Why Notes Are a Risk:

• They can be photographed, intercepted, or misinterpreted.
• Principals may see them and view it as unprofessional.
• Sensitive instructions should be given verbally and confirmed via secure channels.

What to Do Instead:

• Use encrypted apps (if permitted).
• Memorize routines and verbalize handovers.
• Rely on staff meetings for critical information flow.

3. Gift Acceptance: When a Tip Becomes an Insult

It seems harmless: a guest offers a tip or small token of appreciation. But in elite households, accepting gifts can breach protocol—or offend the principal.

How to Navigate It:

• Always check the household policy first.
• Graciously decline tips unless explicitly permitted.
• If you must accept, always report it to the estate manager or principal.

Career Longevity Tips

Surviving in a high-pressure, ultra-private environment is only part of the journey. Here’s how seasoned professionals build long-term careers beyond individual estates.

How to Transition from Estate Manager to Family Office Director

This is the next step for top-performing estate professionals. The leap from operational to strategic oversight requires more than experience — it demands discretion, leadership, and trust.

Key Moves to Make:

• Learn financial literacy and asset management basics.
• Build strong, discreet relationships with principals.
• Volunteer for cross-functional responsibilities (e.g., travel logistics, household budgeting).
• Work with agencies that understand succession planning and placement continuity.

Conclusion

Working with UHNW families is both a privilege and a pressure-cooker. The rules aren’t written, but they’re enforced every day. Understanding these nuances could mean the difference between a short-term role and a lifelong career.

At BEYH Resourcing, we don’t just place staff—we prepare them.

Click here to reach out and learn how our discreet placements and career coaching can help you thrive behind closed doors.